Know Your Tendency for Better Habits

By Shane Sauer

Creating new habits and sticking to them is one of the most effective ways to improve health and longevity. But if forming good habits were easy, everyone would do it. Why do some people thrive on structure, while others rebel against it? The answer might lie in Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies framework, introduced in her book Better Than Before. This powerful tool helps us understand how we respond to expectations and how we can use that knowledge to succeed.

The Four Tendencies Explained

Rubin’s framework divides people into four categories based on how they respond to inner expectations (personal goals) and outer expectations (obligations to others). Understanding your tendency helps you design a habit-building strategy that works for you—one that works with your natural inclinations.

Upholders

Upholders are the gold standard for meeting both inner and outer expectations. They thrive on structure, rules, and clear goals, making them consistent and disciplined. If an Upholder commits to running three miles a day, they’ll do it—no questions asked—simply because it’s part of their plan. However, this tendency toward rigidity can be a double-edged sword. Upholders may struggle in situations where there are no clear guidelines or when flexibility is required.

For example, an Upholder might excel in a structured fitness program but feel overwhelmed in a more unstructured, open-ended wellness retreat. To thrive, Upholders benefit from using habit trackers, schedules, and specific goal-setting tools.

Questioners

Questioners approach expectations with a critical eye, needing to understand the “why” before they act. If an expectation seems illogical, they won’t follow through—even if it’s important to someone else. This makes them incredibly self-driven, as they excel in turning outer expectations into inner ones.

For example, a Questioner might adopt a specific exercise routine only after researching and deciding it’s the best approach based on evidence. On the flip side, their need for information can lead to analysis paralysis. Spending too much time researching the “perfect” workout plan could delay actually starting. Questioners thrive when they can access trusted resources and have their questions answered clearly.

Obligers

Obligers are incredibly reliable when it comes to meeting outer expectations. They’re the ones who never miss a work deadline or group commitment because they don’t want to let others down. However, they often struggle with inner expectations, like personal fitness goals, unless they’re paired with external accountability.

For example, an Obliger may show up consistently for a group fitness class or with a personal trainer but skip solo workouts. This can lead to burnout if they feel overcommitted to others while neglecting their own needs. Building accountability into their habits—such as partnering with a friend or joining a training program—is the key to success for Obligers.

Rebels

Rebels resist all expectations, both inner and outer, prioritizing freedom, choice, and authenticity above all else. They do best when their actions align with their sense of identity or personal values. A Rebel might avoid a structured exercise routine but stay active through activities they perceive as adventurous or liberating, like rock climbing or hiking.

However, Rebels’ resistance to expectations can make it challenging to form habits, especially if they feel boxed in by rigid rules. The key for Rebels is to frame habits as a form of self-expression, emphasizing the freedom of choice rather than obligation. For instance, instead of “I have to work out,” a Rebel might say, “I choose to exercise because it makes me stronger and aligns with my adventurous spirit.”

If you’re unsure of your tendency, Rubin offers a free online quiz to help you discover where you fall: Take the Four Tendencies Quiz.

The Fluid Nature of Tendencies

While most people have a dominant tendency, our responses can shift based on context. For example, someone who is a Questioner in their personal life may become an Obliger at work, adhering to deadlines because their team depends on them. Likewise, an Obliger might display Rebel tendencies in certain situations, like resisting a fitness regimen that feels too rigid.

This fluidity is natural and underscores the importance of self-awareness. By reflecting on how you approach expectations in different areas of your life, you can tailor strategies to fit each context.

For instance, if you notice you’re a Rebel when it comes to fitness, you might avoid rigid gym routines in favor of spontaneous activities that feel like adventures. Meanwhile, if you’re an Obliger at work, you could create a healthy eating challenge with your team to hold each other accountable.

Applying the Four Tendencies in Life

Understanding your tendency is the first step. The second is using that knowledge to design an environment that supports your goals. It’s important to remember that many people are a blend of tendencies or may shift depending on the situation. If one strategy isn’t working, this framework offers pathways to try new approaches until you find what fits best.

• Identify Your Tendency: Take Rubin’s free quiz or reflect on how you approach inner and outer expectations.

• Adjust Your Strategies: For example, if you’re a Questioner, focus on the research behind your goals. If you’re an Obliger, build accountability into your routine.

• Experiment and Adapt: Your habits should evolve as you learn more about what works for you. Don’t be afraid to tweak your approach.

The goal is to embrace your tendencies as strengths rather than viewing them as obstacles.

How MATRIX Recognizes Your Unique Needs

At MATRIX Personalized Fitness, we understand that everyone’s approach to fitness is unique. Whether you need the structure of an Upholder, the logic-based support of a Questioner, the accountability of an Obliger, or the autonomy of a Rebel, our personalized training programs are designed to meet you where you are.

We don’t just help you build habits—we help you build habits that last. By recognizing and adapting to your individual tendencies, we create an environment that empowers you to achieve your goals and maintain them for the long term.

Conclusion

Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies framework is more than a personality quiz—it’s a roadmap for understanding yourself and creating a life filled with habits that stick. By identifying your tendency and adjusting your environment and approach accordingly, you can transform obstacles into opportunities and take control of your health and wellness journey.

So, what’s your tendency? Take the quiz, learn more about yourself, and start building the habits that will lead to your best life.